Tomorrow is Another Day

I don't know if it's the full moon or what, but it's been a long, long time since I've had as lousy a day at work as I had today. 

I felt constantly a step ahead of everyone (not in a good way), a step behind everyone, or just flat out invisible. I was ignored, uninvited, misunderstood, unsupported, and unacknowledged.  

For someone who prides herself on being on top of things and darn pleasant about it, most of the time, it was brutal. I was dreadfully out of synch and I'm sure it gave me a gloomy demeanor, at least in the second half of the day. 

When I saw how things stood, I shut my door, got some quality work done, and left on the stroke of the clock. Facing the beginning of rush hour was actually a relief after all that. 

To top it all off, the person I chose to talk to about it, once I got home, made comments that placed the blame for the whole thing on me. Perhaps true, but not what I needed or wanted to hear. Seems like I just can't win today.  

Fortunately, tomorrow is another day!

A (Sports) Marker

My firm enthusiastically supports March Madness, which is pretty fun. I don't follow college basketball, but I'm content to get swept up in the trend for a few weeks every year. I use the techniques that C.S. taught me and submit multiple brackets -- hedging my bets, you might say. 

A few years back, the bracket I assigned to L.P. was the winner. I'm not sure everyone appreciated being bested by a cat! Someone's cat had won in an earlier year, though, so at least there was a precedent. This was the champion's photo that year. (He picked Baylor, by the way, and they won it all.)

So I just want to say that as of right now, the Gang of Three will win IF Houston goes all the way. They play the University of Florida tonight and there are many, many UF Gators among my colleagues, including my direct boss and our managing partner. Rooting against the Gators is not a popular option. But what can I say? These hooligans want to WIN.

Update to add: Houston did not win, which made everyone else very happy, and that makes the loss less painful. It was an exciting game and the UF Gators showed a lot of resilience. 

Milestones

This week marks a significant birthday for me. I will achieve an age I never imagined I would be: 65. 

My last birthday was a strange one, because I became an age that my mother did not live past. Now I will be older than she ever was. I think she hated growing old, and that passage was made harder for both of us by my teenage flourishing at the same time she was navigating menopause. I don't know -- I'm just guessing. We never had the chance to discuss it, and maybe we never would have discussed it, even if she had lived longer. But being this age has given me new insight into her experience. 

Now I am looking into chronological territory inhabited by my dad (who lived to 76) and his mother (who lived to 93). Those are the milestones of my future, still in the far distance. 

A milestone birthday does make you think about things, though. 

My friends are retiring and I am so happy for them. I don't feel envious; I like my life as it is. (I wouldn't turn down that winning lottery ticket, but otherwise . . .  no changes needed.) I expect to keep working, partly because it's smarter financially and partly because I enjoy it. My job is high satisfaction and low stress, and I'm very happy to keep rolling along there, still good at what I do. 

Horseback riding continues to be a great joy. My schedule is flexible, the people are wonderful, and Riddle is a willing and generous partner who takes good care of me. I'm so glad I started again just a year ago. I will continue as long as I'm able, and I think continuing will help keep me able. 

I wish the Medicare salespeople would Quit! Calling! Me! as I am not signing up for anything. One of the benefits of working is keeping my employer-provided insurance. Medicare would not be cheaper or better. (I checked.)

I am changing my attitudes about things, though, well aware (in a cheerful way) that I have limited time left. 

Less time dedicated to "self-improvement" and more time at home in my skin. 

Less concern with what others think about me and more concern with what I think about me. 

Less volunteering to serve every need and more availability for what matters most. 

Less putting things off for "someday" and more commitment to enjoying things now. 

Right now, also: less salad and more cake!     

Star Wars Fans, We Are

Overheard while working from home:

IT guy: Go ahead and turn off your wifi, wait 10 seconds, and turn it back on.

Customer: Okay, but it's in the other room, so I have to go in there. Stand by.

IT guy: Red 6, standing by.

Customer: I'll stay on target.

Random Thoughts

So far, so good at the office. I'm a weird combination of vigilant and forgetful. Following the arrows and washing my hands and wearing a mask are all going well, and my coworkers are largely compliant. But I also think we definitely have "pandemic fatigue," myself included. Last week I had two different people sit down in my office for informal meetings -- and I only realized afterwards that even though they were sitting 6 feet away and masked, we exceeded the recommended 15 minutes of talking and laughing, both times. I'm tired of being suspicious of everything, including the air! Ugh.

Covid cases are skyrocketing again here, but Florida will never lock down again. There are still plenty of people who prefer to travel and socialize and drink in the bars as though the virus doesn't exist. The rest of us are just going to get through it, trusting our precautions and the luck of the draw: smart or lucky or a little of both.

Meanwhile, I didn't mean to buy a new water heater, but I did -- after the old one leaked all over the laundry room floor.

I also didn't mean to get another crown, but I did -- after my cereal became unexpectedly crunchy from a broken tooth. Dentistry has come a long way since the last crown I had! Instead of doing the mould thing, having a temporary put on, and then returning to have the permanent crown installed, and maybe it fits and maybe it doesn't, the dentist scanned my tooth with a computer wand, which created a 3D picture on the screen. Then a little block of porcelain is carved by a machine into a replica of the scanned image. That's the crown! I went from tooth to crown in under 120 minutes and $1500, but no pain and no complaints now that I'm on the other side of it. Thank goodness for modern technology and dental insurance.        

New kitten LP has settled in and is growing up boisterously. I still need to write about him and share his adorable photos. He's hardly recognizable now, going from skinny pitiful kitten to filled-out teencat in just a few short months.

Fall has finally arrived, with temps in the 50s at night and high 70s during the day. That's a welcome relief from summer's heat and humidity. My nostalgia for New Hampshire has peaked and passed, but I am still watching the webcam for the first real snow.

Holiday menus are going to be different this year. Nothing else has been traditional, so why should that be? Meanwhile, the neighbors have their Christmas tree up already. They put it up right after Halloween. Normally I would be all, "Nooooo, it's too early!" but I can't say that I blame them for wanting to just get the year over with, already.

Strange times.

I Sure Hope I'm Right

I went back to the office this week. It's only two days per week, but it's still a big step for me.

I can do my job perfectly well from home, and the commute is way nicer. My reasons for going back are 1) my supervisor expressed a clear preference for having me return, and 2) almost everyone else is going in at least a few days a week. I don't want to jeopardize my job (although I don't think that's likely -- the firm has been wonderful about supporting us to do what we're comfortable with) and I don't want to ask for "special treatment." I'm a team player and all that.

It felt very strange, when I haven't crossed that threshold since mid-March. I slept terribly Monday night, partly from worry and partly from fear of oversleeping the 4 a.m. alarm that I haven't set since -- naturally! -- mid-March. Things went very smoothly and I met the handful of people we've hired since then. It was lovely to see my colleagues' familiar faces, too.

Of course, we aren't really seeing each other's faces because we're wearing masks, and staying behind closed doors if we have offices, and using one-way corridors, and not congregating to talk in the kitchen or the break areas. 

Being there feels like the right thing to do -- finding that balancing point between what I need and want and what my employer needs and wants. But sharing space and air with 30 other people is a big jump in my exposure and making the leap was pretty nerve-wracking. Everyone is very considerate, and I'm doing what's needed to be careful.  

I hope it's enough.

And Here We Are, Again

Or should I say: here we are still?

Nothing much has changed except  . . . wait, how did it get to be the end of August already? 

Seriously, I don't know where this year has gone, except that it has dripped away day by day, just like the others, but with less busy-ness and fewer milestones. I suppose soon it will be the holidays and 2021. Apparently time flies even when it seems to crawl.

I haven't had any push from my supervisors to return to the office. I confess I miss being part of the team in a "physically present" sense. The phone and email are nice and Zoom is very nice, but it's limited. What I hear from my closest coworkers is that everyone stays in their office with their door closed all day, every day, so I'm not sure there's much difference between office and home in terms of collegiality. I have also seen the periodic memos asking everyone to please abide by the social distancing rules of no talking in offices, please use the conference rooms and spray Lysol afterwards to clear the air, please follow the arrows when you walk around, etc. None of that encourages me to rush back.   

I had my annual review and it was nerve-wracking. I am definitely a person whose self-evaluation focuses on what I did not get done, rather than what I accomplished. Even so, the review was favorable and my paycheck will show that with a modest increase. And yes, I know I am damned lucky to have a solid job when so many are without work or security or both.

My city had a real live big deal tornado this past week. It wasn't close to my house, but seeing that damage on the other side of town means it was close enough! Many big oaks either fell over or had their canopies destroyed, leaving nothing but the shattered trunk standing. Underneath were houses, cars, and motor homes, some damaged beyond repair. Fortunately no one was killed. A few days later a freak wind gust in a thunderstorm flipped over a bunch of small planes at our municipal airport. So it's been a crazy summer. It looks like the two current hurricanes will miss us, but I'm not feeling very relaxed about our summer weather.

Photo credit: Harry Smith

This baby was a big bright spot, though: Meet L.P. I'll share his story soon. He deserves a post all to himself! 

True to Form

We had an actual tornado warning today when rotation appeared among the thunderstorms passing over my city. Fortunately the damage was limited to a few tree limbs down and minor power interruptions.

When the warning came out, my 3 officemates reacted pretty much as expected.

Hid under the kitchen sink.

 Hid under a table among a bunch of pictures.

Didn't want to miss anything.

Time-Spending

There's certainly more than the usual amount of time to be spent, these days, I'd say.

Still not enough time to get everything done, however. I suppose that's because I'm still putting in a full week at work, albeit from my desk at home. Like most people, I suspect, working from home means I save time by not commuting, not getting dressed up, etc. Which is more than compensated for by the time I spend making my own lunch and being distracted by unsettling news from all over. Some days my concentration is excellent, even better than it was in the office on my best day. Other days I feel more like I'm waiting for the biggest shoe ever to finally drop.

In Florida we don't think the virus has peaked yet. That's definitely unsettling.

Meanwhile, life rolls on. I've had some groceries delivered, and chatted with friends by phone and video call, and done a lot of cooking and some gardening. The New York Times hosts a tile matching game for free on their website, and I've discovered how soothing it is to play a few rounds of that every day.

Yesterday I made a vegetable run to the open-air, no-conversation, no-touch farmer's stand. I usually buy my vegetables at the Friday Night Farmers Market, which gives me a chance to browse and sometimes pick up a recipe recommendation from the farmer. This time we spoke through a cracked window on the passenger side of the car and the vegetables were packed and loaded into the back hatch. I leaned across the passenger seat to give him the money, both of  us careful not to touch hands in the transfer. I was wearing a mask. I tipped him. Our conversation was shorter but our eye contact -- being all we had left -- was stronger.

Mother Nature's bounty continues and I am thankful for that, as well as for the opportunity keep my friend's business alive. There was a small line of cars behind me, each of us grateful and craving a few words of conversation, no doubt.

It felt nice to get out of the house and go for a little drive. But I have to admit that removing the temptation to Go and Do has actually been good for me. I know I am incredibly lucky to be treating this as an opportunity for self-improvement instead of a desperate challenge to my survival. But there it is.

I hope I will continue to have the chance to be a better person, a better friend, a better neighbor, and a better citizen. I hope I remember to keep that extra eye contact, come what may.

Now if I could just manage to catch up on those book reviews. While there's still time. 

April Fooling

Mother Nature is a prankster.

For April Fool's Day, she spread my recycling all over the yard. We finally got some (much-needed!) rain last night. It arrived on the wings of a big wind and I had already put the bin out.

This morning I celebrated the fresh, cool, post-rain morning with a private Easter egg hunt in my own front yard -- finding sparkling water cans in the flower beds and under various bushes. The bin itself was upside down, smack in the middle of the driveway. It seemed like a challenge -- or maybe it was an invitation.

A walk in the wet grass at dawn is a lovely thing.

Now the windows are open, the cats are arrayed around the house, and we are all enjoying a cool breeze as I settle down to my workday.

I hope Mother Nature is pleased with herself. She is certainly full of surprises.

Report on a Pandemic

Or, as I'm determined to think of it, a staycation.

Looking at the bright side is one of the things I do best. I'm not a denier. I think I'm more of a realist. Sometimes I'm a bit of a doomsayer. Weird mix, I know. But it works for me.

Going forward, I expect that Florida probably will have lots of cases of Covid-19. In addition to our regular residents, we are a combination of retirees, tourists, snowbirds, and spring breakers. There are plenty of "deniers" in those categories, not concerned for various reasons. Our governor has not moved aggressively to flatten the curve. I think it's going to be bad. My goal is to stay well enough not to have to go to the ER for any reason -- coronavirus, car accident, heart attack, you name it. Right now, it's not where I want to be. Not for myself. Not to take up resources needed by others.   

I've been working from home since last Tuesday. It's not as much of a disruption for me as it is for some people. Most of my workday consists of sitting alone in my office, navigating paperless files, looking up information on the internet, and typing into the computer. Thanks to the ultra-modern approach of the firm's managers, all that can easily be done from home -- minus occasional social interaction with my coworkers, which is something I will miss. I've been emailing them more often, intending to stay connected. It's not unlikely that we will have one of those "virtual happy hours" pretty soon, just to catch up.

My workday is also minus the 3-hour daily commute, which is a mixed blessing. The standard 3 hours includes about 2 hours of solid reading time on the train; missing out on that is the downside. The upside is less exposure. Even when I drive the car, it takes 2 hours and oh, the traffic. Overall, I'd say it's a plus.

One of my tasks this weekend was working up a daily schedule, to make sure I still get everything done. Unstructured time tends to disappear on me, and right now the schedule is pretty much mine for the making. Time for exercise and reading has been scheduled. I hope to rise to this opportunity for a reset.   

My neighbors have had mixed reactions to this threat. My elderly neighbors think it's all a big overreaction. One of them is planning to move and continues to go out every day on various errands associated with packing up her household. I have been cordial but kept my physical distance. My other neighbors are young and have a 2-year-old. They are both bartenders -- and both out of work now, because the bars have been closed. I will be doing what I can to help them. And yet, in our back fence conversation yesterday, guess what they wanted to talk about: How was I doing? Did I need anything? They had plenty of food, if I needed any. Just let them know, okay?       

I also have friends in the medical industry. Two of them are ER nurses, in two separate counties. It is crazy there. Lots of sick people, and not much Covid-19 testing available (there are very specific requirements for who gets tested, and from what I've seen, folks who may have gotten it from community spread won't be tested, so we will never know). There have been few positives among those who are tested -- but supplies are running short. My friends are worried about masks and gloves for themselves and medical supplies, available beds, and equipment for patients.

I haven't been to the grocery store in a week. I wouldn't say that I stocked up last week, but I bought a few extra non-perishables. There were no eggs. There were no plant-based milks, although I managed to get regular milk (which I then gave to a friend who needed it). There was no butter. Canned goods were really picked over and I didn't need any, anyway. I got cornmeal, but flour was pretty much gone. There was plenty of ice cream. I got lentils and some interesting turmeric spaghetti. There was no bagged salad. There were no potatoes or onions. I was able to get apples, oranges, and green, yellow and red peppers. I also splurged on almond-maple nut butter and hooray for that! It is delicious.

Last weekend there was no toilet paper. I just needed it on the regular schedule and was able to get it from Amazon because I didn't want to chase all over town for it. Ditto for a thermometer (I can't believe I didn't have one!). It took Amazon a week to deliver. That made me realize how spoiled I have been by the customary delivery times.

I might have to go to the grocery again eventually -- but it doesn't seem worth risking my life for it or burdening the system anymore than it already is. Friday evening I drove the car around the block to make sure it would still start. Yesterday I went by my local bookstore to pick up a couple of books I'd ordered. Like all small local businesses, they are hurting, so I thought I would support them. They promised curbside service, so I called when I arrived in their parking lot and they brought the books out to me. Then I went to the gas station and filled up the tank. Then I went home and washed the heck out of my hands. The roads were very quiet, compared with the usual Saturday. The grocery store parking lot was full.

As different as things are, I feel I have been prepared by literature for these kinds of changes. I'll save that for another post. 

Meanwhile, spring is happening. I have the windows open (it's warm, but not hot yet). The mockingbirds and cardinals sing enthusiastically, and the cats have plenty to smell and watch. My wild-ish yard is blooming with various volunteer flowers. Life goes on. 

Learning

As I move daily toward a full year in my new job, I'm still learning new aspects of the daily routine.

I've adapted very well to the work (I wasn't eligible for a raise or a bonus, technically, because I'm so new -- but I got both! Hooray!) and the office routine. My co-workers are the nicest collection of folks anywhere, and we always have plenty of snacks around, too.

I'm enjoying riding the train instead of tempting fate in the legendary I-4 rush hour, even though I have to drive to the station. Sometimes the train is very loud, thanks to boisterous or tired children, video games, or oblivious conversationalists, but I am getting a tremendous amount of reading done.

One unexpected challenge is that this time of year, I leave the house in the dark and return home in the dark. That lack of sunlight is somewhat balanced by the usually pleasant walk across downtown to and from the office. A few times it's been rainy and blustery, and that's been exciting! Mostly it's a chance to sightsee a bit and enjoy stretching my legs.

These last few nights I've gotten off the train just as the last glow of sunset is fading from the very edge of the horizon -- to see three spectacular planets shining brightly in the southwest: Venus, Jupiter, and Saturn. I think I'm the only one who notices them -- everyone else seems bent on getting to their cars as quickly as possible -- but I try to enjoy them enough for all of us. 

Reviews on Deadline, Coming Right Up

Well! I counted up how many reviews I need to write before the end of the year, if I want to make my challenge goals. It's a daunting number: 37.

Reading on the train during my commute has been great for finishing books and knocking down the TBR stacks. Maybe I should learn to write reviews on the train, also!

Meanwhile, the time change is wreaking havoc with my sleep pattern. You'd think I'd be happy with the extra hour -- and this weekend I was -- but this morning I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn't fall asleep again. Even though I managed to change the clocks on the stove, the microwave, and the car radio, all on the same day as a time change, those small victories don't make up for the sleep disruption.

On the plus side, more time for writing reviews.

Adulting

Overheard in the classroom, after class:

Student: I'm sorry I missed class last time. I just couldn't get out of bed.

Professor: Oh dear. I'm sorry to hear that. Did you have that flu that's going around?

Student: No, but I've only been sleeping about 3 hours a night and it caught up with me.

Professor: That sounds terrible. I'm concerned about you. You can't get by on so little sleep. Are you worried about something?

Student: No. But my friends and I are in the middle of a really great adventure in Dungeons & Dragons, and I'm the Dungeon Master.

Professor: Well, I played when I was in college and I know how engrossing it can be. Just be careful you aren't jeopardizing your grades and your health with too much D&D and not enough sleep. Keep things in balance, you know?

Professor (thinking): Let me tell you about the time we found a +3 magic war hammer! 

I Think I'm Going to Like It There

Photo: CBSsports.com

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that participation in March Madness is officially and enthusiastically supported at my new workplace.

Who knew? Suddenly I care way more about the FSU v. Vermont basketball game than I ever have before.

Taxes, and a Puzzle

I had to pay in this year on my taxes, thanks to the unintended consequences of working 3 jobs. Soon this kind of complexity will be a thing of the past!

While I was preparing to write my check (ouch!), I happened to notice some interesting language on the instructions page that went with my payment coupon.

Seriously?

I find it hard to believe that those $100 million checks are frequent enough that they need to devote an entire paragraph to it.

Must've been a slow day in the Forms Department that day.

I Have Seen My Future (I Hope)

One of the drawbacks of my new job is the commute. It's an hour's drive each way in rush hour traffic, which makes it seem very long.

Fortunately, there's the train! This makes the commute slightly longer -- I have to drive 15 minutes to the station -- but it's totally stress-free. The trains are very clean and not very crowded, plus I have a whole hour to play on the phone or read a book or basically, do whatever I want. I think I'm really going to like it.

Last week, though, I had one of those Oh No moments while walking from work to the station. The brick pavers were uneven in some places and I had on my work shoes, with more of a heel than I'm used to. So I tripped and fell, landing pretty hard on my knees and forearm. It was very embarrassing and a little bit upsetting, too.

No one was near me when I fell, although there were some people off in the distance. As I was gathering my wits and putting some things back in my purse, I noticed a group of young people approaching. From my almost-elder years, I can say they were typical 20-somethings: all shapes, all sizes, all colors/races/ethnicities, basically the kind of well-mixed group that was extremely uncommon during my years growing up in the South, where everyone in my circle was white. (Don't get me wrong: I consider it progress that things aren't so homogenized anymore.)

I could hear one of them say in the distance, "Whew, I've done that. Ouch." They came up to me and bent over with concern: "Are you all right?" And then a beautiful young woman with long dark hair extended her hand to me and asked, "Would you like me to help you up?"

I know it sounds weird, but I had one of those moments when time slows down. I looked up into her face, and despite my usual tendency to resist showing any sign of weakness whatsoever, I thought, "Yes, yes I would."

So I said that, and took her hand in my right hand. At the same time, I could see in my peripheral vision another hand to my left, which belonged to an impossibly tall and slender young black man -- who also had extended his hand me. I took their hands, and stood up, saying "Thank you, thank you so much, you are so kind" to each of them. And then they were gone.       

I realize now I was probably still a bit stunned. I also understand why people feel that they're helped by angels in far worse situations -- angels who seem to appear when needed and disappear when the task is done. It seemed like that to me. It was lovely.

What has stayed with me since then is the feeling that this is what aging will be like, if I'm lucky. I will need help and -- if my luck holds -- young, strong, kind strangers will be there to offer it. I realize those helpers will probably be paid to help me, modern life being what it is. I hope that when that time comes, I will remember this small episode and muster the grace to accept the help they offer, and to be grateful. 

Catching Up

And here we go! Lots of things are in play throughout my life right now, so here's another of those list-intensive posts . . . .

1. The reading challenges I'm hosting for 2019 are now closed. I think I'm caught up with everyone's sign-ups and books read so far. If you don't see yourself and your books, please give me a shout.

2. Prizes from 2018 are gathered and being posted soon. If you're a winner, I'll let you know when I actually make it to the post office.

3. Since my last post I landed a fabulous new job with a law firm and finished my first week this past week. Yay, me! I will miss doing water advocacy, and the fabulous people I got to work with on a daily basis for a supremely important cause. (I plan to keep volunteering, though.) After the semester ends, I suspect I will also miss teaching. BUT the new job pays more than the other 3 jobs combined, and comes with a generous benefits package. Ultimately, I had to make a practical decision . . .  and I was recruited by a good friend who's worked there several years and loves it. That made it especially difficult to resist.

4. Thanks to #3, I expect to recover my weekends -- rather than spending them getting ready for juggling 3 sets of responsibilities during the week to come. That should mean more time for outdoor fun, reading, and even blogging. We'll see if that holds!

5. Meanwhile, baseball season has started with the local college team. And my wild yard is producing multitudes of volunteer flowers with no prompting whatsoever from me. I'm even going to enter it into a contest for the most "river-friendly" yard, meaning no fertilizer, pesticides, watering, or other interventions. That makes it easy on Mother Nature and the river, as well as on the local wildlife large and small.

Life is good!

Thanks for your patience with my sporadic check-ins. I'll see you again soon! 

Today's List

A microcosm of my life these days . . .

1. Buy and load minutes for my best friend's phone, which she uses when she visits Florida from her home in the U.K. She's trying to get her mom into assisted living, so I'm happy to do anything I can to help her.

2. March in our hometown parade honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. We still have a long way to go.

3. About a million things for work, including finishing my work plan for this year -- so I know what I'm doing. The hardest part for me is to stop generating ideas. I want to do everything!

4. Prep for teaching two classes tomorrow. Both classes are small this semester, which adds a little extra pressure to keep things interesting.

5. Stay warm. (I just added that one.) It's 38 degrees this morning -- very cold for us. Especially when it was 80 degrees the day before. Talk about winter weather whiplash!

6. Savor being a speck in the universe. The eclipse last night has me thinking about my To Do list on a celestial scale, which certainly keeps things in perspective.

My friend Mac made a wonderful picture!
MacStonePhoto.com

Adventing

I started thinking about the holidays earlier than usual this year.

Maybe it's because for work I created and managed a committee that made a float for the Christmas Parade downtown. It was a big success last Saturday night. Literally 10,000 people crowded the sidewalks to enjoy the show. There were 115 entries this year, most of them floats! It's a huge big deal around here.

Now all I have to do is survive the DeLand St. Johns River Boat Parade and create, give, and grade a final exam, and whoo hoo! I'll be all about the holidays then!