Other bloggers talk about losing their "mojo," but I've been thinking about this a lot and my issue involves more than that. As near as I can figure it, what has happened is that life has changed, but the blog has not. Or, at least, the blog has not kept up. More and more I find that what I want to talk about is off limits for the blog.
Part of this is because I'm trying to maintain my privacy. I enjoy the freedom of saying what I want without wondering if my neighbor, my boss, or anyone else who knows my name is only a Google search away from knowing my innermost thoughts (perhaps even my innermost thoughts about them). Folks who can cope with that kind of visibility, more power to you! But your approach is not for me.
Part of this is that I am trying to focus on a few areas and create some consistency. Despite the Cafe's promise that "you can never predict what will be on the menu," I pretty much stick to books and reading, with occasional forays into whatever else strikes my fancy. I think y'all expect it of me by now, and the blogging advice I have read encourages a targeted approach. So some things have been simply off topic.
But now, after months of leaving certain things out, I am chafing at the restrictions of what I can't say. Ignoring certain things, I feel almost like I'm telling a lie, and it saps my blogging energy and distances me from you, my bloggy friends. And overall, it makes blogging less fun.
I'm not working up to any massive revelations here, but I do think some catching up is in order. Perhaps you can think of this as one of those long Christmas letters some folks send, where they compress a whole year into 2 pages. I love reading those, even when they are filled with bragging. People reveal themselves when they write, period. I like reading along and seeing what they reveal. So . . . here goes with a long-term update. Draw your own conclusions!
C.S. and I started this blog back in 2008 while I was studying for the bar exam. It was just one of many fun things we did together. If you've been reading along, you've been privy to some of our travel adventures, bookstore rambles, and book award obsessions. Early this year that relationship came to an end, although this archive of those good times remains. I still miss him sometimes, and I imagine he sometimes misses me. Putting that into words, here on the blog that we started together, may be the final step in letting go.
I recently started horseback riding again, and while this will not turn into a riding blog, I may start posting occasionally about the thrills, rewards, and disappointments of spending a chunk of my life around horses. I rode as a child, and also as a young married. When you are born with horses in your blood, they never go away. Ownership is out of my financial reach, but I am half-leasing Travis, who brings me much joy. Isn't he incredibly handsome?Last but not least, I recently met someone who has all the hallmarks of being someone special. Him I am not planning to talk about much, but merely acknowleging that he exists relieves some of the psychic pressure.
After a long time in dormancy, my life seems ready to grow again. Now that I've come clean about these changes, the blog can grow, too.
I'll leave it to you to determine whether this news is even news. Thank you for listening. I feel better now.