I am cleaning out some old class notes and coming across a few gems in the process. Yes, I know most people do this kind of purge before they move, but not me, not this time. Yet another consequence of only moving ten steps.
Meanwhile, I am wishing I was half this clever.
This particular gem was written by Dr. Elliot Engel, formerly a Professor of English at North Carolina State University:
The Shakespeare You Speak
If you act more in sorrow than in anger, if you ever refused to budge an inch or suffered from green-eyed jealousy; if you have been tongue-tied, a tower of strength, hoodwinked, or in a pickle; if you have knitted your brow, made a virtue of necessity, insisted on fair play, slept not one wink, stood on ceremony, danced attendance, laughed yourself into stitches, had short shrift, cold comfort, or too much of a good thing; if you have seen better days, recalled your salad days, or lived in a fool's paradise--then, be that as it may, it is a foregone conclusion, as good luck would have it, you are quoting Shakespeare.
If you clear out bag and baggage because you claim to be more sinned against than sinning; if you think it is high time and that is the long and short of it; if you believe that the game is up and that truth will out, even if it involves your own flesh and blood; if you lie low til the crack of doom because you suspect foul play; if you have your teeth set on edge at one fell swoop without rhyme or reason, then--to give the devil his due--if the truth were known, for surely you have a tongue in your head, you are quoting Shakespeare.
And finally if you now bid me good riddance and send me packing, if you wish I were dead as a doornail, if you think I am an eyesore, a laughing-stock, the devil incarnate, a stony-hearted villain, bloody-minded, or a blinking idiot, then--By Jove! O Lord! Tut, tut! For goodness sake! What the dickens!--it is all one to me, even if it is Greek to you, for you, dear reader, are quoting Shakespeare!